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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28718985">i heard voices (some would scream)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petr1chor/pseuds/Petr1chor'>Petr1chor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>take me to the barricade [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Les Misérables - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:00:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28718985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petr1chor/pseuds/Petr1chor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras has some issues with his anxiety meds and ends up getting a little overstimulated. He gets taken care of. Gently, with love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>take me to the barricade [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049165</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i heard voices (some would scream)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is another prompt fill I did on Tumblr!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alright, we’re nearing the end of the appointment. Is there anything you want to say before you go?”</p>
<p>Enjolras rubbed the end of his sleeve between his thumb and forefinger. Dr. Oliver was always nice and understanding, he shouldn’t feel a mounting sense of dread while speaking to him.</p>
<p>“The new medication,” he finally managed to say, “Ah…I don’t think it’s- um- working? Maybe I need a higher dose?”</p>
<p>Dr. Oliver leaned forward in his chair, “How does it feel different, Enjolras?”</p>
<p>Enjolras kept his feet firmly on the floor, resisting the urge to curl up in his chair so close to the end of the appointment. “Honestly, it doesn’t feel like I’m taking anything. I’ve been having an anxiety attack for the past three days. I’ve been….um…nauseous at the idea of food.” His attempt to keep his frustration out of his voice was failing, “I’m not getting anything done, and I hate that.”</p>
<p>“I see,” he said, looking through his file, “How long has it been since you started with the new medication?”</p>
<p>“Almost a week,” Enjolras said, already dreading what he knew would come next, “It’ll be a week tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Okay then how about this, wait till the day after tomorrow, to see if there are any improvements. If not, give me a call and we can figure something out, okay?”</p>
<p>Enjolras nodded, trying his best to hide his uneasiness.</p>
<p>Xxxx</p>
<p>Enjolras wasn’t sure how long he had been standing outside the health services. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. He had only one class on Tuesdays, at 3, and that was ages away.</p>
<p>There was a cold feeling at the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do until 3 pm rolled around, but the idea of going back to his empty apartment put him on edge.</p>
<p>Enjolras opened the Les Amis groupchat</p>
<p>
  <em>Anyone free for lunch at the Block 3 cafeteria?</em>
</p>
<p>He hit send, hoping someone would reply before his feet become completely numb from standing in the same spot for so long.</p>
<p>
  <em>Feuilly: I’m up for it if we keep it quick !</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Bahorel: I have class, but I don’t wanna go ;)</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Marius: You CANNOT skip another</em>
</p>
<p>Enjolras breathed a sigh of relief and began the short walk to the cafeteria. He found their familiar table in the corner and sat down, taking his hoodie off. It was getting a bit too warm.</p>
<p>His phone buzzed again.</p>
<p>
  <em>Grantaire: I’m here. I see you</em>
</p>
<p>Enjolras startled, looking up to see a familiar figure headed towards him with a tray in one hand, and his phone in the other.</p>
<p>“Hey there, Apollo,” Grantaire said with a grin, “What made you grace us with your lovely presence this fine afternoon?”</p>
<p>Enjolras attempted to keep his face steady. “Are you really just going to eat chicken nuggets?”</p>
<p>“Fret not,” Grantaire’s countenance seemed unaffected by the question, “This is only my first course.”</p>
<p>Enjolras smiled and shook his head.</p>
<p>“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” Grantaire asked, a peculiar look in his eye.</p>
<p>He waved a nugget in circles in front of Enjolras’ face, until he shook his head, “I’m not very hungry.”</p>
<p>Grantaire regarded him with careful eyes. “Are you doing alright, Enjolras?”</p>
<p>Enjolras felt his throat clog up. He nodded, and then sighed heavily when Bahorel and Feuilly slipped into the seats opposite to them.</p>
<p>“Why aren’t you wearing a jacket, Enj?” Feuilly asked, concern evident, “It’s freezing.”</p>
<p>Enjolras picked at his jeans, moaning at the loss of his hoodie sleeve. He closed his hand in a fist and then flexed. “Is it? I’m feeling pretty warm.” He repeated the motion.</p>
<p>He startled at the feeling of something on his lap. He looked down to find the grey jumper Grantaire had on under his jacket.</p>
<p>He looked over to find Grantaire gazing at him, his forehead drawn. Enjolras managed a small smile before he was pressing his hands flat against the material of the sweater.</p>
<p>The cafeteria was probably a bad idea, he realized belatedly, as people started slowly piling in for the lunch rush. He could feel their voices like ants crawling on his neck.</p>
<p>“Hey chief, you okay?” Bahorel asked, and Enjolras gave him a jerky nod, without looking up from his lap. He was wringing the fabric.</p>
<p><em>God I hope this doesn’t ruin the jumper, </em>he thought, a little hysterical.</p>
<p>Xxxx</p>
<p>“Enj?” Grantaire made sure to keep his voice gentle.</p>
<p>He reached out to touch his elbow. Enjolras jerked away violently, bundling the jumper to his chest and clutching it. His eyes were unblinking.</p>
<p>Bahorel and Feuilly had come around the table. Feuilly sat down slowly on the other side of Enjolras.</p>
<p>“Enjolras?”</p>
<p>Enjolras turned to look at him, eyes wide.</p>
<p>Feuilly gave him an encouraging smile. “Hey, you’re holding your breath. Do you think you could try exhaling?”</p>
<p>Enjolras gasped loudly once, and Grantaire felt his heart lurch in his throat. Enjolras’ eyes were filling and he did not know what to do.</p>
<p>“Some more, okay?” Feuilly continued, gentle as ever.</p>
<p>Enjolras shook his head rapidly. “I can’t,” he said, a desperate edge in his voice, “I can’t.”</p>
<p>Grantaire ground his teeth against his alarm. “Enjolras, hey, can I touch you?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said, strained.</p>
<p>Placing a hand at the back of his neck, Grantaire pressed down gently.</p>
<p>Enjolras made a keening noise and slumped into Grantaire. He removed one arm from where it was clutching desperately at the jumper and fisted it in his shirt.</p>
<p>“I can’t breathe,” he choked out.</p>
<p>Grantaire moved the hand on his neck until he had an arm wrapped around his shoulders. He slowly smoothed out the fingers tangled in his shirt, and pressed Enjolras’ hand flat to his chest.</p>
<p>“Breathe with me okay, Enj?” he said, exaggeratedly inhaling.</p>
<p>Enjolras’ voice broke around a sob, “I can’t, R. My chest is burning.”</p>
<p>“Come on, sweetheart,” he said, trying to keep his own panic out of his voice, “Try to breathe with me, and then we can go home, yeah?”</p>
<p>Enjolras whined, trying to ball his hand in a fist once more. “No, no, R, hurts.”</p>
<p>Grantaire felt a pang in his chest. He brushed the curls sticking to Enjolras’ sweaty forehead back.</p>
<p>“Please, love, you aren’t getting enough air.”</p>
<p>Enjolras pressed into his chest, wrapping one arm around his own waist and clinging to it. And then he went slack.</p>
<p>“What the fuck just happened?” Bahorel broke the silence.</p>
<p>“He passed out,” Grantaire said, voice grim.</p>
<p>Xxxx</p>
<p>Enjolras woke up uncomfortable. His head was throbbing and whatever he was laying on was very hard. He could hear a jumble of voices around him.</p>
<p>“I’ll take him.”</p>
<p>“You’ve got a shift right?”</p>
<p>“Ah, fuck.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it, I don’t have any afternoon classes today. I’ll take him.”</p>
<p>“He’s up,” Enjolras was certain that was Bahorel.</p>
<p>“Enjolras?”</p>
<p>“Feuilly?”</p>
<p>Enjolras shakily sat up. He looked up to find Grantaire looking at him, only to busy himself with fishing a metal water bottle out of his bag and thrust it in his direction.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Enjolras says, with horror and realization crashing in on him all at once.</p>
<p>He looked around the cafeteria. Plenty of people were openly staring in their direction. He felt is face heat up.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck. </em>
</p>
<p>“Feeling any better?” Bahorel was oddly mild.</p>
<p><em>Maybe because you fell apart in front of a fourth of the student body, </em>he thought.</p>
<p>The surface of the bottle was icy cold and grounding. Enjolras clung to it.</p>
<p>“Apollo?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I am. I’m just going to, uh go home now,” he hated how shaken he sounded.</p>
<p>“Don’t be silly, R will take you.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Now they have to look after you like a child.</em>
</p>
<p>“I don’t-“</p>
<p>“You’re not gonna be a bother,” Grantaire interrupted, looking exasperated, “Do you mind if we go to my apartment? It’s closer and I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone at yours.”</p>
<p>Enjolras’ throat tightened painfully at the concern. He shook his head.</p>
<p>“Great. You okay to walk?”</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“I hope you feel better,” Feuilly said as they stood to leave. Bahorel reached out to pat his arm, and Enjolras resisted the urge to flinch.</p>
<p>“Let’s go?” Grantaire asked, and Enjolras nodded, standing.</p>
<p>Grantaire grabbed the jumper someone had put under his head as a pillow. Enjolras found himself flushing again at the thought of how he had clung to it.</p>
<p>Grantaire pushed it into his hands. “It’s cold outside. Put it on.”</p>
<p>“I have my hoodie,” Enjolras protested.</p>
<p>“Your hoodie is in my backpack. Put the sweater on.”</p>
<p>Enjolras complied. It was deliciously soft and smelled familiar. He mentally scolded himself for thinking that way. Grantaire already had to look after him. He didn’t need to deal with this as well.</p>
<p>The walk to Grantaire’s apartment was short. Logically, Enjolras knew that. But the sound of the traffic and the overwhelming feeling of everyone staring at him as he passed was making it feel like forever. Why wouldn’t they stare, he thought bitterly, he had made quite the spectacle of himself.</p>
<p>He kept his jaw resolutely clenched as he felt his eyes traitorously filling again. Grantaire was walking a few steps ahead, hands in his pocket with his head bowed. Enjolras longed to just ask for contact.</p>
<p>The lump in his throat was painful, and he was breathing shallow breaths through his nose, terrified that if he opened his mouth he would sob. His sight was blurring with tears, but he did not look down, a little afraid that he would lose sight of Grantaire. He pressed his thumb into the inside of his other palm until it hurt and tried his hardest to be quiet.</p>
<p>Enjolras felt his foot snag against a rock, and took a moment to steady himself.</p>
<p>“Oh Enj.”</p>
<p>Gramtaire’s voice was soft enough, but Enjolras reached up to roughly wipe his cheeks. Grantaire, without a word, took his hand in his.</p>
<p>Xxx</p>
<p>Grantaire resisted the urge to stop in the middle of the street to wrap his arms around Enjolras. He kept his hand wrapped around Enjolras’ thin fingers, squeezing gently every time he heard him make a sound.</p>
<p>He let go to unlock the door, closing the door behind them and leading Enjolras inside. He wasn’t crying anymore, but he was silent as he led him to the couch.</p>
<p>“Tea? I’d offer you coffee but I don’t think caffeine is good for you at the moment,” Grantaire said, feeling somewhat wrong-footed and unsure.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Enjolras sounded flat.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry about…making a scene. You don’t need to- uh- make me tea. Or take care of me. I can head home. I’ll- I’ll call a cab.”</p>
<p>Enjolras was wearing a determined face, one that should have been familiar. But it was thin over the utter misery on his face and Grantaire felt his gut lurch. He sat on the coffee table in front of him.</p>
<p>“Enjolras?” he said, waiting until Enjolras met his eye, “Listen to me, okay. You don’t need to apologise. Not for this. Never for this.”</p>
<p>Enjolras’ face crumpled and he looked down, exhaling shakily</p>
<p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>“Not now,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>“Tea, then?” Grantaire attempted.</p>
<p>Enjolras nodded.</p>
<p>Grantaire was sure he had never made tea at that speed before. The motions were soothing. It was rattling, seeing someone he was so used to seeing so put together come apart that way. He quietly went through the motions, getting the brightest mug he owned out for Enjolras.</p>
<p>Grantaire handed Enjolras the mug, and smiled gently at the way he wrapped both hands around it and cradled it to his chest. He glanced at Grantaire. He took a few tentative sips before setting the mug down.</p>
<p>“R?”</p>
<p>“Yeah? You need something?”</p>
<p>Enjolras seemed unwilling to meet his eye.</p>
<p>“Uh,” Enjolras began, “Could you- could you hug me? The pressure helps.”</p>
<p>His cheeks had two high points of red on them. Grantaire felt his heart threaten to lurch right out of his chest. He climbed onto the couch guiding Enjolras’ head to his shoulder, and letting him wrap his arms around his waist.</p>
<p>He was quivering, and Grantaire wrapped his arms tight around his shoulder, bringing one up to cradle the back of his head. Enjolras tensed, before clambering up onto his lap, burying his head in Grantaire’s shoulder.</p>
<p>Grataire held on, his hands firm, rubbing his arms and back and feeling his slowly loosen up.</p>
<p>“Tea,” Enjolras mumbled into his neck.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“The tea is going cold.”</p>
<p>Grantaire snorted.</p>
<p>“I’ll make you more tea later,” he pressed his lips to Enjolras’ temple, “Rest now.”</p>
<p>Enjolras hummed softly, and drifted off to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me know if you liked this through kudos and comments &lt;3&lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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